Friday, September 16, 2011

Disappoinments Lead to Bad Things...

…For some people.

Tonight I received some disappointing news. I didn’t handle this well. I usually don’t. I absolutely hate the idea of planning something only to be let down. It seems like this happens to be a lot. Is it just me? Or do others try to plan things, only to have them fall apart at the last minute?

There are times when I feel relief if a plan falls apart. Generally at those times I’ve wanted to cancel, but haven’t. I guess it’s because I’ve been a people pleaser. Funny, though, that hasn’t happened in quite a while. I no longer feel guilty if I say “no” to something. I guess in the past I was afraid of missing out on something.

My interests have changed as I’ve matured. I no longer feel like I have to be a part of everything that’s going on. It’s a nice change.

Anyway…. So disappointments suck. I know we’ve all been there. I swear I feel like I’ve had more than any. There’s nothing worse than getting my hopes up about something only to be let down. I should be used to this by now. Seriously. It has happened so many times in so many different situations. Why does it still hurt when something doesn’t work out as planned?

Maybe I need to learn not to get so excited about things. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to be let down.


Anyway, so these sucky disappointments have always lead to bad things, depending on what the plan had been. I’ve experienced annoyance and agitation when these things have happened. Other times I’ve wanted to go to bed and just cry myself to sleep. Yeah, I’m a crier. I do not always cry when disappointed, but sometimes it happens. Like I said; depends on the disappointment.

There were also times when I’d binge. And binge. And binge. I’d binge out of sadness, anger, frustration, and then I’d feel guilty. The next logical (ha!) step was to be too hard on myself. Binge. Cry. Try to sleep. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Bottom line? I HATE when things do not happen as planned.

Honestly one of my pet peeves is when people back out on plans. ESPECIALLY when they give excuses that seem to be just that… Excuses. Just be honest and tell me if you don’t want to do something! You know? Another part of that is when they seem to fail to use the brain that is floating around in their head. What happened to thinking outside the box to make things happen? I do it! It’s not hard!!

Maybe I’m just more of a planner and an action person than other people are. I guess my belief is if you want it to happen, you need to make it happen. This is probably what helps me to be motivated and has lead to the successes I’ve had. If I want it, I go for it. If I fail, I fail. That’s never fun, but at least I know I gave it my all and did my best.

If you want something to happen, you will find a solution (that works!). Let’s face it, sometimes solutions are not ideal for everyone involved and cause more of a burden than the situation is worth. I also recognize those times and can easily say, “you know what, just forget it.” There are things that are just not worth the cost, whatever that might be.

So. Tonight. D-i-s-a-p-p-o-i-n-t-m-e-n-t, my foe, showed up. Jerk-face! How did I handle it? I laid down for a while…Probably an hour. I cried a little…A couple different times. I think that was mainly out of frustration.

And then (insert doom style music here)… I BINGED.

BUT! I didn’t really BINGE. I turned to food for a very mild comfort. Then I realized that something sweet wasn’t going to help anything. I’d end up feeling worse. After two tablespoons (yes that’s my new definition of being “bad”) of frosting, I stopped myself.

“You idiot!!! What are you thinking!?! This frosting? So NOT gonna make you feel better. Neither will laying around crying like a big, spoiled baby!!”

Let’s face it, having been an only child who has been kinda spoiled and is used to things going her way… Just MIGHT have something to do with my inability to handle disappointments well. That’s a bit of an understatement. There’s no well even near how I handle disappointments. I’m actually quite terrible at it. And MAN, can I be MEAN when I’m disappointed. Think, “Regina George” in mean girls. Or worse yet, “Catty” (or ”Katty” or “Kaddy,” whatever it was).

So that and my underlying fear of rejection - not just the romantic kind…You know what I mean. The fear of not being included; that horrible left out unimportant feeling. That one.

Anyway, so after my frosting situation, I changed my clothes, and put my arse on the treadmill. Then I did some ST using my body weight (i.e.: crunches, push-ups). Physically I felt awesome when I was finished. I felt a little better emotionally… I at least got myself past the point of wanting to be all depressed and do nothing.

Total extra “bonus” — that frosting put me in my calorie range for the day. I was too low and knew I’d need something else to eat later. The frosting wasn’t the end of the world. Sure, the calories were empty and did nothing for me, but my point is that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been… Or once was.
When you know what you’re eating, stop yourself, and make yourself accountable (for me this is tracking/journaling) it’s not a binge. It’s like saying “HEY GUESS WHAT!!!! I HAVE CONTROL!!!”

THAT? Is a totally awesome feeling.

Little extra note about my workout… I am for sure getting stronger. During my warm-up I had to put the treadmill at a higher speed because I didn’t feel like I was walking very fast. For my workout, I did walk/run intervals (not my beloved HIIT - high intensity interval training because I didn’t run as hard as humanly possible). It was a great feeling to know that I can feel myself getting stronger and faster.

 Oddly, during my ST, the first sets of my exercises (except crunches) seemed the worst. What’s up with that!? I’d think that as I use my muscle more, it’d be harder and hurt more.

In the end, minus the disappointment, it was a good and successful day. I avoided a binge and instead of having a pity party, I worked out.

I really am LOVING who I’ve become.


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