Thursday, October 13, 2011

Are You a Friend or a Foe?

I use a website for tracking my nutrition and exercise information. The site is http://www.sparkpeople.com/ One of the features I really like about it is the “community” section. This section is contains “spark pages” where you can add friends, blog, post pics and goals, etc. Often I come across blog topics that are vey interesting and some I can relate to. Some really get me thinking about things; like this.

Not long ago I read a blog that someone posted about how some of her friends haven’t been such good friends since she started losing weight. Another posted about how some of her co-workers are no longer friendly to her, but they were before she lost weight. One wouldn’t even say “hello” to her. Both of these co-workers are overweight.

This made me think about how people can be so different in how they treat others. More specifically why do people who call themselves friends do this? This blog is for the amazing women that I know that deal with these friends….

Naturally you’re about to get my thoughts on this…

First, are people just so jealous of others that they can’t just be nice? If someone is a friend they should be kind. To me this means not having something negative to say alllll the time. They just cannot seem to give a compliment without adding something that’s negative.

“Congratulations, you look great but….let me point out out what I think is wrong. I really just cannot compliment you without adding at least a bit of negativity.”

Why even comment if you’re just going to add something negative? Why do you do this?
Are you so jealous that someone lost weight that you think it’s cool to be an ass now? No one wants to deal with that. If you can’t give a compliment that’s an actual compliment, just don’t open your mouth. You sound a bit insecure and come off as jealous that someone else has accomplished something.

Seriously, people notice when you act like that, and then they mention what a jerk you seem to be; and that you don’t sound like a very good friend.

Either you underestimate the intelligence of others and you’re not as smart as you think you are. Or you’re not as sneaky as you think you are. Either way, people notice and they get a bad impression of you.
Second, why do people sometimes have to “one up” one another? Everyone is different. If you accomplish something or something awesome happens in your life, good for you! Congratulations! I’m happy for you, and that’s genuine.

However too many passive-aggressive “compliments” and I might start being a jerk to you too. A person can only handle so much of a friend being a seemingly jealous a-hole.

I seriously need to stop watching that episode of SATC… I keep saying a-hole like it’s the 90s. And that word really makes me cringe.

Annnnyway….

Let’s try to figure out why you’re jealous.

Are you annoyed that you are no longer the “hot” friend? Is that so hard for you to accept that you have to look for something negative? Does that make you feel better about yourself? It shouldn’t. In fact you should feel worse about yourself because you’re not being a very nice friend. That’s kind of pathetic. I almost feel bad for you.

Are you angry that someone else has accomplished something you want to but don’t? Instead of taking control of of your own life it’s better to try to bring someone else down by pointing out something negative, right?

Stop being a jerk and take control of your life. If you can’t even compliment someone without being somewhat mean, you need to take the time to figure out why YOU are unhappy with yourself.

Your life choices lead you to where you are. Don’t try to bring others down because you’re not happy with yourself.

Are you upset that someone else is getting the attention that you so badly crave? You rely on others to make you feel good about yourself. If someone else is getting attention then you’re not getting the validation that you need.

You need to learn to love yourself. You need to stop relying on everyone else to make you feel good about yourself or like you’re “the best.”

No one is the best. No one is perfect. You are NOT perfect. If you think you are then perhaps you should seek some professional help regarding your delusions of grandeur.

Seriously. That’s not a good thing.

A little vanity is one thing. I’m sure we’re all a little vain sometimes. However when it blurs reality with fantasy that’s a problem. It’s also a problem when it turns you into a total jerk.

Get over yourself. My guess is that you’re no where near as great as you believe.

Why must people always compete? I know we all do to an extent but when you are in constant competition with your friends, you may not know how to be a good friend.

You shouldn’t constantly try to outdo your friends! I’m pretty sure that your friend doesn’t feel that he or she must be in constant competition with you. This could be that your friend has confidence and you do not. Or at least not as much!

If your friend has good news, don’t try to broadcast something that you think is bigger, better news. Just be happy for them. The things you use to get attention might not be things that anyone really even cares to hear about.

Please when you encounter these people ask yourself if they’re being a good friend to you. Look at show they treat you and talk to you.

Are they a friend? Or are they really a foe?

That was just something to think about. Be mindful of your actions. If you continue to behave in the manner that you do, you might notice your pool of friends getting shallower and shallower. Hopefully it doesn’t completely dry up.

XOXO

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