Saturday, December 3, 2011

My Crazy Body.

First, I am happy to report that despite not really losing much weight, when I went shopping last Friday, I bought smaller pants...One size smaller in most, and two sizes smaller in one pair (jeans, stretchy and wide leg, soooo probably a fluke!). Apparently despite not dropping pounds like I wish I would (I still blame skin for some of that), I am getting a little smaller. Slowly. Too slowly for my anxious self but...What can I Do?

This week has been a pain in my neck. I'm pretty sure that none of the pants I bought on Friday would fit today. BUT they will. Certain circumstances cause random difficulties.

I suppose I need a disclaimer...

**If you can't handle talk about bodily functions, stop reading. If talking about personal things is too much for you, stop reading. If you freak out about what's appropriate and what's not, stop reading. If you're a guy who thinks female things are scary, creepy or gross, stop reading. This is a personal blog. I talk about personal things...Usually as they affect my health and wellness. Sometimes things happen that aren't dinner table topics of conversation (for most people...my job has desensitized me, I think). I won't post anything graphic or disgusting but I am gonna talk about my body and what it goes through.

That being said....

TOM (ladies know what this means) stinks!!!

This has been a horrible, horrible week for me in terms of health and wellness. Finally today I'm starting to feel better and more like I want to attack back!

My ass feels like it is about to bust out of my pants. Generally I like having curves. I like building that muscle. I love looking at my shape in the mirror and seeing a tiny little waist (ha! not today!) and a curvy booty. I feel so feminine and pretty. Okay, I'll confess....Pretty dang hot too! This is not a hot feeling. This is feeling like you're a balloon that is inflated to the max.

Today I am ten pounds heavier than I was a week ago. Don't be alarmed...I have not fallen of the wagon, gone on some insane binge, or anything horrible like that. I'm sure that over the Thanksgiving holiday, thanks to not working out (not an actual workout anyway, but did spend two full days on my feet shopping, legs and lower back hurt after day one...so that's something!), and eating things that I don't normally eat, I may have gained a couple pounds of actual fat or whatever.  Certainly not ten though. It takes 3500 calories to equal a pound though, which is why I say maybe a couple. Although 7000 extra calories over four days seems a bit crazy. I didn't eat THAT much, and certainly not that much over my calories. My weight has been stable since Monday, so the "gain" was actually over those four days. I know that I ate higher sodium foods over those days...so, there's some possible fluid retention.

That being said, I know I am retaining fluid right now anyway, so sodium does not help. It just makes me retain more! Lots of it. This tends to happen to me...oohhhh every month, sometimes I'm lucky and it's every other month. Last month I gained a whopping 16 pounds in a short period of time. It quickly went back down. Why do I retain this? TOM. I can feel the retention...In my belly, in my fingers, in my face, in my thighs, and in the most painful spot my boobs. None of the other spots hurt like they do. It's nice to appear larger than normal (and to fill out some of that extra skin lol), but it hurts. The rings that I normally wear do not fit. Well, not well. They're tighter than I like, so I just don't wear them.

I never noticed the retention before I lost weight. I could see, in pictures, that my face looked fatter. I felt a little worse but it wasn't this obvious (to me). Maybe it's because I didn't weigh myself. Now that I do, and I watch what I eat, I work out, and am healthy, I notice these things more. I notice the changes. Before I didn't workout. I didn't care as much about what I ate. I gave into the fast food temptation. I had no problem sucking down diet coke, or buying candy bars. These are things I don't do anymore. I have awareness now. How would I be fully aware of the changes in my body if I wasn't keeping track? I felt fatter than normal but at my size, it didn't matter much. All that bothered me were pictures....I hated my face looking fatter. Maybe that's because that was the part of me that was less fat. For a while there, every picture taking event that came up was during pre-TOM/TOM. Lucky me.

I know that these pounds will come off. I drink a lot of water, which will help flush it out. In fact I think that's started happening. And as the hormonal changes continue to occur, even more fluid will be flushed out. Sometimes this lasts for an entire week, so hopefully by Monday I'll be starting to feel less like a blimp.

I am also one of the lucky ladies who has a surge in appetite. We burn more calories during this time, so it's only natural that our bodies want to eat more. We need them to function. However, I feel like I am constantly hungry. It's not just that I think I am...I experience actual pains and my stomach growls like crazy. It's real hunger, not imagined.

I experience cravings and am one of those people who likes to satisfy the cravings that like to creep up. I do not eat healthy. For example, dinner on Monday night was a bag of Smart Pop popcorn and some peanut butter fudge. I know, I know...HORRIBLE. I hate this. I feel like I'm weak and off the wagon when this time comes. It is so incredibly hard for me to resist those cravings. And if I don't, I sometimes end up eating too much of other stuff because the craving isn't satisfied. I think that, in the end, it's better to satisfy the craving and eat a smaller amount, or something still chocolately (for example) but not so high in calories and fat....Like no sugar added fudgesicles or fat free hot chocolate. Moderation is the key. I can't eat a box of fudgesicles in a day. Obviously that's not any better. But one twin pack is okay. As is a cup of hot chocolate, made with water or skim milk (no marshmallows!).

I have not worked out in about a week now (unless you count all the walking, trying clothes on, and all that fun stuff while shopping). But as far as a traditional workout..Nope. Last weekend was busy. I knew I wouldn't get time, and would be tired later in the day and then not want to make time.

Monday I had a chiropractor appointment. I don't like to workout after an adjustment. I have this notion that I might mess up what was just fixed. I wasn't feeling so great anyway (cough, sneezy...something I usually push though).Plus I got home late, was starving and ate right away...and on and on.Tuesday I felt ready to workout. The morning was great (although no morning workouts have occurred because I also sleep more this time of month). I couldn't wait to get home and workout. I came back from lunch and BAM! Menstrual Migraine. For anyone who has experienced one of these, they are hell. Seriously. I wanted to cry at my desk at one point because it just hurt soooo bad. I went home and it was still there. Now tell me, who wants to push their body when their head is pounding to the point that keeping the eyes open hurts. I took some pain medicine, which helped the headache. However, I get a little too relaxed and somewhat "loopy" sometimes so working out after a med? Not a grand idea.  Yesterday I had to pick up my new glasses and get a few (HEALTHY) groceries. I didn't get home and get things put away until after 7:00. Yup....No workout yesterday either.

So far today I feel okay. I think I may have another headache coming on, but hopefully it doesn't last or isn't bad. There's a little pressure in my noggin but nothing horrible.

I NEEEEEEEED to work out today. I WANT to work out today. I've had enough of this being busy and not feeling up to it stuff. I am ready to dig back in, get on track, and get back to my usual routine. I miss it. I feel like a lump when I don't work out...Especially when combined with retention, increased appetite, and poor eating habits. These things are nooooot going to help my weight, my shape, or how I feel about myself. I'm ready to burn some calories. A good workout will result in a good sweat. A good sweat means more fluid will leave my body. I have lost as much as four pounds of fluid in a workout before (yeah, I was a hot sweaty mess!). It sounds gross, but it feels so good. I love it. I crave the sweat....Hopefully that craving is stronger than the craving for chocolate or something salty (which I don't have in the house) today.

There you have it...I'm female. Once a month I am plagued with something that tortures my body. On the upside my mood hasn't been too bad this month. This is a shock to me. Usually when I feel like this physically, my mood is wild too.

I've only really had one bad moment this month. I got annoyed and "yelled" at my dogs on Monday. Then felt bad about it and started crying, and hugging them like crazy. Oh and apologizing (yes to my dogs). Yelled is in quotes because I didn't actually yell, just sounded mean (I think). I haven't been too angry, sad, or anything else.... So far, so good. I'm not sure what's worse, the emotional roller coaster or the physical insanity. Either way, I know it's short term and I will feel normal again soon!!

What is particularly encouraging is that a friend and I have recently decided to help keep one another accountable for working out. This should help, and is just what I need right now since I'm feeling so yucktastic.

I have another friend who is starting her own journey on Sunday. What an awesome way to begin the week! Healthy and with an optimistic outlook. I'm very proud of her, and am thrilled to be able to be a support for her and help her along the way.

The fact that she's starting is also a good motivator for me. Lead by example....! I'd feel much too hypocritical if I were encouraging something and behaving totally differently. Luckily, I should be back to normal by then, which is good. Her decision to being her journey will help me to get back on track after this rough week. I guess her timing and mine are totally "on." 

Hope you are all having a great week! Stay healthy!!!

XOXO


Edit: I wrote this two days ago. In those two days, five pounds have disappeared. I expect that within a few more, the other five will be gone. Crazy body!

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