Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Beast Is Showing Her Face Again

I have decided that the scale will be what I give up for lent...Somewhat. I will not give it up totally because I need to monitor progress but I am only getting on the stupid thing (angry with it, so naturally it is stupid right now) once a week.  I SHOULD be doing this with my challenge anyway, but every week I have taken an extra peek...One week I think it was twice.

So, thanks scale for pissing me off and making my choice easier.

In addition to that I will be limiting my sweet intake. I'm sticking to "not as bad" sweets only... Protein Shakes that are chocolate flavored? Those are okay. Vitatops? Those are okay too. Even the fat-free, sugar-free pudding I made tonight is okay.  What's not okay? Totally unhealthy things like cookies, cakes, cupcakes (ahhh I think I just died) and such. This? Is hard. I'm a baker. Not by profession but it's one of my hobbies that I am passionate about. It helps me release creativity and I just...LOVE it.  This means no more baking just for fun. Generally when I do, I give it away. I DO allow myself one (sometimes two) of what I make, but that's it. The rest? Sent away! For lent? No more of that. If I bake, it all has to be given away. That's baking for no reason. I do have one upcoming event that I am baking for and will probably allow myself ONE cupcake. This was planned before I decided to put the axe on full-fat, full-calorie treats.  They're going to be special cupcakes for a special party for a very, very special little boy. Maybe I won't eat one, but if I do...I'm laying it on the line now. I hope that God will be okay with this. We'll chat about it tonight. Maybe I'll do an extra "Our Father" or something. I don't know... LOL! I'm trying NOT to justify indulging in something that I'm giving up for lent, but at the same time this ONE thing has been planned. I don't want to not do it because of one event. Ya know?

Any thoughts? Feel free to share.

So, the scale and full-on sweets...Buh-bye.  Dang. I didn't have any to indulge in today either... No Paczkis for this girl (ummm.. hello death in a box!!).  I'm okay with that. I had my share of my adopted birthday cake over the weekend, so I don't think I'm missing out anyway.

Back to the scale. It made me super angry earlier. That's what I get for weighing on a non-weigh day. See? This is why it needs to be given up 6 out of 7 days a week. It's bad news. I'm doing good at not being as obsessive as I used to be, but if I weren't giving it up for lent, I'd be on that thing ten times a day for the rest of the week.  I've been on it three times just this evening!

I'm retaining water like mad.  I know this. Yet I put myself through the unexplained torture of stepping on the scale anyway. I have no idea why I did. I KNEW I was holding onto water but did it anyway... And? I was up about eight pounds from Saturday.  Now, this clearly cannot possibly be fat.

Let me remind you of the math...

3500 calories = 1 pound.

I would have had to have eaten 28,000 calories in four days. Um... No way! I honestly am not sure that's even humanly possible. Maybe for some super large person but I am certain that I couldn't do that. Today would be day four, so that means that I would have had 7000 calories before dinner. Haha!! Not even close!! I was probably around 1000 or so! I am 100% sure that I did not eat 7000 calories on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, or today. I may have eaten a little unhealthier than normal but not THAT much. 

So, enter fluid retention.  Now, I'm sure that eating out on Saturday night and then again on Sunday night (even if it was just a turkey sub on wheat bread, it was out so it counts) didn't help the situation. I also had some pretzles over the weekend.  Last night's dinner was a grilled turkey and cheese...Processed and processed. Sodium and sodium.  I was going to have the same for dinner tonight but due to the sodium content, I skipped the turkey and only had one slice of (fat-free) cheese. Those couple little things were a HUGE sodium saver.

In addition to the sodium in food, I'm having some hormonal changes. This always equals retention for me. Usually I go up 5 (on a good month) to 10 (the worst I'm aware of ) pounds, with an average of 8. This alone could account for all of the weight I've gained since Saturday. Throw the sodium in foods on top of that and I'm a walking blimp!  I feel like it anyway.  Even my shoes left marks on my feet today.  Sometimes I feel a little bloat in my feet but usually it's my mid-section and my hands, with my thighs thrown in there for fun fairly often.  Today I felt it in my hands, big time. I saw it in my face, big time. 

I've relied on my Diurex aquagels to help me fight off some of it.  I had taken one this morning and felt pretty good. Then, after lunch (about 3 hours after I took the aquagel) I felt my hands puff up. It was crazy! I noticed it right away. Usually I'll wake up feeling puffy and stay that way most of the day, or will get that way toward the end of the day. I'm not sure I've ever noticed such a dramatic change in my body so fast. After I puffed up after lunch (by the way I had PB2 and a Vitatop, not anything full of sodium), I stayed that way. I took another aquagel when I got home, right before I worked out...Which was a matter of seconds before I weighed myself.  I weighed post-workout and was the same. Bummer. I thought for sure all of that sweating would help. Then I realized I had weighed in with all of my clothes on. Duh! That makes a bit of a difference, especially when they are soaked with sweat.  I weighed again before I showered...Which was after having a protein shake with fat free milk and after eating dinner and drinking two cups of water. Even with my hair still very wet, I weighed almost three pounds less than I had just before...And that's with eating and drinking more!!! Apparently the aquagel kicked in and when I peed (there's no good way of saying that, that isn't so...obvious) I got rid of a lot of water, and I'm sure a good 1-2 pounds of the 3 was due to me ditching my clothes. I LOVE that this was after I ate. Even with food and drink, I was still lighter than prior to my workout! This definitely makes me see that the diuretic helps!!

The only bummer is that they only seem to work well for a few hours.  I can only take them once every six hours (after the first one), so I'm still not due for one for two hours. At this point it's too late to be taking a diuretic anyway. I certainly want to sleep tonight, not be up all night!!

The earlier trip to the scale made me very cranky. I was NOT in a good mood when I worked out. I felt tired and didn't want to run. I did it anyway though. I'm glad I did. I had a really hard time during the run but felt good after.

I'm not sure what was up with the run, except that maybe I wasn't using proper form/foot position. My right side is still a little sore from my fall on Saturday, so I think I was favoring it when I ran. This probably made my foot hit in a different pattern, I was using different muscles, and it just made things rough. I had to stop for a minute and stretch, which I don't usually do. Generally my stretching before a run is adequate.  My legs, even my thighs, felt heavy (fluid?) and just ached. But I pushed through. I questioned myself a couple times with the soreness in the right leg/foot but kept going. I chalked it up to plain ol' muscle soreness. I would have stopped if I felt something different or wrong.  I know my body by now and I know when I can push and when pushing myself is kind of an idiotic idea. Today was not one of those days. I went slower when I needed to, took the time out to stretch, and was very aware of my body.  I don't feel any pain after (different than the soreness I've had on that side, since falling), so I think I did okay. I know my limits.

I had a spot when I thought for sure I was going to quit.  With about 10 minutes left, the pain and my mood got to me and I started crying. Running and crying....It happens sometimes. I'm not even sure why I was crying, other than the fact that at that moment things were hard. I broke a bit...But only for a couple minutes. I cried and ran, and then stopped crying and just ran.

Ahhh...PMDD, you are quite the beast. I'd be happy without you in my life. I am sure you're not-as-evil sister PMS would be easier to live with than you. You're like PMS, intensified. You cause havoc on me, physically and mentally...You make me feel giant. You don't always let me sleep. You make me cranky. You make me cry. You make me tired. You? Are really just a jerk.  Unforutnately I have to live with you, so I will continue to try to stay positive and just deal with it.

I'm off to relax for the night... I think that reading (my CPT materials! YAY!) and some tea (Tazo calm) should help me to relax so that when bedtime rolls around I can sleep. I'd love a full 8 hours of sleep; no waking up, no wild dreams...Just peaceful sleep. 



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