Saturday, February 4, 2012

When Enough Doesn't Feel Like Enough

I worked out this morning. I did yoga and then I did a training workout.  I worked out of a total of 67 minutes. I burned 519 calories. I felt awesome after. I danced around the house to some totally awesome 90s music (who doesn't love a little Vanilla Ice?!).  I showered and felt good.  I planned to workout this evening too.

Then I started not feeling well. Nothing major, although at the time I felt like it was going to be.  There's been some really nasty stuff going around work this week and I think I picked up a touch of it. That's just sooo funny because I said the other day, "knowing my luck if I get it, it'll be on the weekend" (as opposed to during the week and missing a day of work, not missing a day of play). I'm happy it's not to the extent of what's been going around at work...YUCK!! Last time I caught the full-blown "bug" I ended up in ER getting IV fluids. Not something I want to repeat. I've also had a headache off and on all day.

Anyway...I rested in the recliner for about an hour and then felt better. I was still super tired, and felt hot, but better.  I didn't feel like I was going to have to put out a crisis call to my parents to have someone bring me recovery things like ginger ale, Popsicles, applesauce...You know the stuff.  Since then I've been exhausted. I even rested a second time and dozed off.  I accomplished a morning workout and a little cleaning. I was going to go get a few things at the grocery store, swing by the bookstore, and pick up something at the mall. None of that happened.  I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow since my microwave decided it would try to (possibly?) catch on fire.  I'm not sure what it did but a couple bright flashes and the smell of something burning made me turn it off.  I checked out the inside and there is a blackened area on the side by where the light is. I think the microwave is done for. This means that I need to add a microwave to my shopping list.  I REALLY need to feel "normal" tomorrow. 

Even as I sit writing this I feel a bit zombie like, assuming that means exhausted and staring out into space. I never really understood that reference. Every zombie thing I have seen shows very active zombies. They may look like they're zoned out but seriously, they're out for blood. And they moved pretty dang fast in "Zombieland."  Anyway... My point is that I'm still tired. I did not do my bodyrock workout tonight; and I'm angry.

Well, maybe not angry, but disappointed. I'm annoyed (ah-ha! THAT is the word) that I planned to do a second workout and I haven't done it, and won't. Sometimes it really does seem too hard to try to push your body. I also know that my body knows when I need to rest. Perhaps the fact that my eyes feel as though they're very dry and almost burning is a good indicator that my body needs a rest.

I don't want to rest. If I felt like I could function better, I'd be busting my ass right now.  It's not like I am missing a workout.  I DID workout today; 67 minutes, 519 calories. Why is that not enough for me? Why do I feel annoyed that I'm missing another workout? I should be happy with what I accomplished instead of dwelling on what I did not (yes I know dwelling is not helpful!). I worked out today, which is more than most people can say.  I ate healthy. I stayed in my ranges, as usual.  Today enough doesn't feel like enough. I want more.

I love bodyrock. I love the feeling of accomplishment when I'm done with it. I love working my muscle. I'm excited to feel the soreness. I've finally found a method of ST that I can say I enjoy more than most that I've tried. I think that, maybe, I'm more annoyed about missing bodyrock today. It's not that it's another workout. It's not that I feel like I have to do it. It's that I want to do it but I know I need to rest.  Quite honestly it's a bit like a spoiled child... "I WANNA..." but I can't. The difference is that parents sometimes give the child what they want if their performance is great enough (or possibly embarrassing enough). Throwing a tantrum will not force my body to become energized (although a workout usually does). It's likely that if I lay on the floor, kick, pound my fists, and scream, I'll just feel that much more exhausted.

I'm pleased with my morning workout, yet not pleased with myself for not working out this evening.  for some reason I am having a hard time accepting that I'm tired. I guess I feel like it could be a good excuse. However, when I used "I'm too tired" as an excuse in the past, my eyes haven't hurt and I haven't napped. Those times "I'm too tired" was just an excuse. Today, I believe it's a reality. I have been pushing myself quite a bit these last few days, especially with adding bodyrock. That change has probably given my body a bit of a shock, and is probably causing me to feel so tired. I know it's good to rest. I know my muscles need it. 

Some of you may be thinking "stop whining and just go do it...gosh!" It's not that easy. It's also not whining. It's that I know when enough really is enough.  Think about how you feel when you are genuinely tired (borderline exhausted) and not feeling quite right (probably what is eating up my energy).  I know when my body is telling me to slow down. If I don't listen to it, I just might end up with feeling worse.

I suppose I'll try to push a bit (hardly) and go do a little more cleaning. I feel like I've spent too much of the day sitting. Even if I need it, I can't stand sitting all day. I need to do SOMETHING. Clearly I have a problem knowing when enough is enough.


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