Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Scale.

I was on SP tonight and read a lot about weights....People struggling, people wanting to get to certain weights within certain periods of time, etc. It seemed like today was a day about the weights.

As I've mentioned, for Lent, I gave up weighing obsessively and am only allowing myself to weigh once a week. This has been a real challenge for me because I was weighing at least once in the morning and once at night. Despite knowing all that I know about why weighing too frequently is bad and why the scale sucks, I continued to do it. 

I was thinking tonight that I weigh-in on Saturday. I started to become a little obsessive in my thinking. Or anxious, rather.  I realized that on Saturday I will, most likely, have to weigh-in earlier than normal because I have to be up earlier.  Weight fluctuates throughout the day. I'm worried that if I weigh-in at an earlier time, my weight may not be accurate compared to previous weeks. So...What if I don't show the loss I'm anticipating? What if my loss is actually bigger than what shows up? Worse yet, what if I am the same weight but because of weighing earlier, I weigh-in at a higher weight?

What if? What if? What if?

What if I just relax and quit worrying about it?

That's a nice thought, but not likely to happen. I've been so proud of the hard work I've been doing and despite the knowledge that I have, I'd really like to see a two pound loss this week. I'm terrified that it won't happen because I have to weigh-in earlier. Kinda silly, huh?

I thought about weighing-in on Sunday but that's not a great idea. I'm going out for dinner on Saturday. I plan to stay within my calories, but I might also enjoy a drink. Or three. Or seven? Just kidding. I'd be passed out with my head on my plate after seven drinks.... Quite possibly after three! And a fun night out is not an excuse to go over the edge. Plus, I don't need (or want) to do that. Anyway, I may have a couple drinks though. So....Here we have alcohol  and sodium. This is often a bad combo. Why? Because often....

Alcohol + Sodium = Fluid retention.

That's just what I want to do before I jump on the scale. Yes, that's sarcasm because I, of course, do NOT want that to happen. Therefore, even if I can weigh-in later, weighing on Sunday is probably a much worse idea than weighing on Saturday.

I was highly tempted to jump on the scale tonight to take a "peek" at where I am.  I guess because I weigh on Saturday I want to know where I stand.  I don't know why. One day (tomorrow) is NOT going to make a difference in weight; at least not THAT much. 3500 calories... I will neither consume or burn that tomorrow. So why worry today about what I'll weigh on Saturday, thinking that tomorrow could be what possibly saves me?

Silly, right?

Hi, I'm an obsessive weigher. You have no idea how long it took me to learn that it really is OKAY to not weigh constantly; that it is actually BETTER not to.  I heard it over and over. I read it over and over. I ignored it over and over.  I clung to some excuse like..."It helps me keep an eye on where I am so I keep my focus better."  At the end of the day that excuse and others were just that...Excuses.  It was like I was in denial of my obsessive weighing.

No matter what the scale does on Saturday (even if it's up thanks to weighing early), I'm going to try like crazy not to let it get to me. THAT is super hard for me. I do well and work hard all week and expect to see a loss....To not see one is hard. I know what I know and it is STILL hard.

II am going to try to focus on the positives...

1. I am pretty sure I'm seeing more changes in my body.  I'm certain that I saw a some more extra skin on my hips tonight. I don't remember seeing those lines before tonight.
2. My muscles feel sore. That makes me feel amazing because I know I'm working.
3. I've worked my tail off this week... My goal was to reach 180 fitness minutes.  As of today I'm at 217.  I'm hoping to get up early enough to workout in the morning, and if I succeed I'm hoping for an hour. But, I'll happily take 30 minutes. Even a 30 minute workout will put me over my weekly goal by 67 minutes. FYI, last week I was over my goal of 122 minutes by 11 minutes (but remember the month started on Thursday!).
4. I feel good. I feel healthy. I've been good to myself this week.

Why should the numbers on the scale erase those positive feelings? That sense of confidence? The feeling of pride in myself? The sense of accomplishment in not only reaching my fitness minutes goal, but surpassing it?

It shouldn't.  It doesn't determine my worth. It shouldn't determine how I feel about myself.  At this point, I'm living healthy and that's what's important. The only reason that the scale makes us feel how we do about ourselves is because we allow it. 

It took me a long time to learn to stay away from that beast; that weekly visits are more than enough. I read posts like this one; people giving advice, sharing experiences, whatever...About the scale and how weighing too often is bad.  I chose not to listen to any of it until now.  I'm glad I did.

Now, slowly back away from the scale.... :)


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