Thursday, June 14, 2012

It Never Gets Old...

....Hearing that someone doesn't recognize me. 

I saw someone at work today who I hadn't seen in quite a while.  At first he didn't recognize me.  He's seen me since I lost weight but it's been a long enough period of time that I've lost a little more since I saw him last.  I like getting that reaction from others.  Correction. I LOVE getting that reaction from others.  It's always nice to receive a compliment!

In our conversation we talked about weight and he mentioned that it's hard to keep off.  Now, I've struggled and put on a few pounds from my lowest weight (which I reached in what was likely a bit of an unhealthy manner).  Anyway, so I gained a tiny bit back and am back to losing, but it's a few pounds.  It's not like I gained 100, or even 50 back. I'm still healthy. I exercise. 

He talked about how both he and his wife had lost weight and gained some back. His wife had bariatric surgery in the past.  She also had a double tummy tuck after her surgery.  She's gained quite a bit back.  I realize that it's probably very easy to do.  However, I don't see myself being one of those people.  I'm sure no one does when they start out. 

For me....Well, I just can't see myself going back to that lifestyle.  I continue to watch my weight and if it were to start creeping up, I'd know to revamp my habits.  I'm not perfect. I still have times when it is very easy to get off-track.  Sometimes that's okay.  If it's a day or a meal or whatever, it's okay.  The problem comes in when people let those habits creep back up for more than a short time. The problem is when one day or one meal because every meal, every day.

I'm a different person now. My thought processes regarding food and exercise are different. These have become a part of who I am.  I've worked hard to change myself mentally as well as physically.  This is a new way of thinking and living.  I can't imagine not running. I can't imagine never doing another BR workout. I can't imagine not feeling muscle soreness. My abs have been sore today and I love it! I sometimes contract them a little more just to feel that tightness. I can't imagine eating fast food like I did in the past. I just can't imagine living that way.

Recently I have had less than healthy days....Not full days, actually. I've had less than healthy meals or evenings. However, the healthy outnumbers the unhealthy. By far. I ccontinue to exercise. I know that eating is the majority of weight loss. I think I'm at what is a fairly comfortable weight for me. I don't know that it's my "happy weight" but I'm okay with it. Do I still want to lose weight? Yes. Do I still work for that? Yes.  But I'm also okay with maintaing where I am. I feel strong. I feel healthy. Most days I feel happy.  I think that most of us have things about our bodies that we're not thrilled with and that we'd change. 

Sometimes I fear that I'm clinging to the notion of "I still have post-op swelling" as an excuse for slowly losing weight recently. I think I fear that I'll get complacent because of that and have at times, thought "oh well, I'm swollen so it's okay." I quickly snap myself back to reality and realize that it is not, in fact, okay. I DO have post-op swelling.  I can tell when I touch my stomach. A few pounds of water isn't a lot though. I KNOW where I need to be and what I need to watch out for.

The fact is that for someone like me, I'll always have to be aware of my eating habits. I'll always have to make sure I'm being healthy. If not, I'll likely gain weight. It is, apparently, easy for me to gain weight. I'm sure it's a mixture of my habits and other factors like genetics. I know how to live healthy and I do. The moment I let myself slip, I will gain weight. 

I feel happy knowing that I've only gained back a few pounds from my lowest weight. Some people gain back a lot and basically have to start again. I don't want to do that. I think I'm the "me" I was meant to be. Going back to my hold habits would make me feel like I wasn't being true to myself....I can't imagine not being athletic. I love my exercise far too much to let that go. Eating would be the hardest for me, but I know to keep it in check.

We all struggle sometimes. We all have times when we may not be as healthy as possible. It's okay to make poor choices now and then. It's not okay to make poor choices all the time.

It never gets old to hear that someone doesn't recognize me.  It never gets old to realize that I'm a changed woman....For the better; for good.


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