Monday, July 9, 2012

This Way, That Way...Which Way?

I have been... A hot mess lately. I feel like last week was insanely busy and I've been going in different directions. I had a few extra days off work and I feel like I didn't get much rest. Here's my little recap and update, since I haven't posted in nearly a week.

My eating...HORRIBLE. Thank you, Fourth of July. Okay it wasn't just the fourth. Between being busy and having meals out three nights, and enjoying too many adult beverages on the fourth, I feel like I need a calorie detox program. YIKES!

My exercise... Equally horrible.  I ran four miles a week ago and that was the last traditional exercise I did. I did quite a bit of walking on the fourth but that's about it. Shame. On. Me.

On Friday I had an appointment with my surgeon. Things are looking pretty good. He said that the scar around my belly button looks more like a six month scar than a two month scar.  My big scar is healing well. He did say that I have what are called "dog ears" on my hips, which are little puckers of excess skin on my abdomen/hip area that weren't removed with the tummy tuck. Google images shows lots of pictures of them. This is just because I had so much skin to be removed. He said that a revision could be done and he would extend the scar on both ends, to remove the skin and tighten my tummy/hips in those areas. It's not that anything went wrong with surgery or healing, it was just hard to remove all of what needed to be removed.  This happens sometimes. 

I am now compression garment free! I'm happy about this, to say the least.  He said that I need to still wear it if I'm highly active, but that the compression workout capris I have will be fine. Those are actually more fitted than the garment is (I think it's too big now). I feel a little odd not wearing it. I've worn it for so long! Also, I'm experiencing a strange feeling in my tummy because of it. Not like pain, it just feels weird not to have it on. I still have a little tenderness and I guess maybe when I move around is when I notice the tenderness. 

Oh! The big question that I had...Those lumps. How did I almost forget to write about those? They were causing me such stress! The surgeon said not to worry about them; they're a normal part of the healing process. The areas where they are located bulge out, which he said is just swelling. He reminded me that the swelling from the lipo will likely take six months to go down, and up to a year to show the final results. While the tummy is healing faster, there's still a bit of healing left there too. The lumps should resolve as the swelling goes down.

I go back in November and we'll discuss my options and my plan at that time. I'm waiting a while before I have more surgery through... I need to get these first two procedures paid for first.  I am also not doing another surgery in warm weather. That compression garment was not fun to have on in the recent 100 degree heat. I'll probably wait until a year from this coming fall (maybe October) before having more surgery. I've been planning on having brachioplasty as well as a lower body lift. My hope is that maybe the tummy tuck revision can be done as part of the lift so that I can get it done with the others. I really don't want to have to do a third surgery, especially just for something like a revision.

I'm still contemplating putting my pictures on here. I haven't taken any progress pictures in the last couple weeks, but have decided I'll be doing those monthly...Which means I need to take some very soon, as today is two months post-op (Wednesday will be nine weeks). I generally don't have time to do this in the morning, before work, so I'll probably take some on Saturday or Sunday...Depending on the level of water retention I have going on (girl stuff). I have posted pictures Facebook page (see contact info) but haven't quite come up with the courage to put them on here. I don't know why...If they're on-line, they're on-line!  I think it's because fewer people visit the Facebook page as opposed to this site. Sigggh...I'll wear a bikini at the beach but I won't put pictures on here? I think something is wrong with that.

I'll more than likely post some soon.

What else is new? I'm sure I've written before about PMDD (again, visit Google), which is currently rearing it's ugly little head. UGH! As though the fluid retention from my poor habits wasn't enough, PMDD decided to strike and I will now have to face several more days of fluid retention. Thank goodness for Diurex. It helps a little. I can handle most of the physical symptoms fairly well, but the retention really gets to me. Fatigue gets to me too, but I can handle that better...As long as I can talk myself to a better place emotionally, I can usually fight the fatigue and workout.

 The emotional symptoms are another story. I can't wait for my mood to hurry up and get back to normal. I've been moody since Wednesday (which was not pretty, especially when alcohol was thrown in the mix; definitely like adding fuel to the fire!).  I did okay the next couple days, but I was busy. When I'm busy and have no time to sit and think (about anything; from something stupid that I did or said to something that's not a bother at all) and let the anxiety get to me, I'm usually okay. Yesterday was much harder. I cried a bit. I was with my cousin for a while and had to fight from crying in front of her while we were watching Say Yes to the Dress. I had a few teary episodes later, but then went away quickly. I then had a big ol' cry fest when I watched the first Sex and the City movie. That movie gets to me every stinkin' time, but yesterday was worse than usual.

Today I've wanted to cry most of the day, but so far haven't. I really didn't want to start crying at work, especially for no specific reason. I have to say this morning was much worse than the rest of the day. I was literally fighting back the tears. I did not want to get up and absolutely dreaded having to go to work this morning.  Naturally it wasn't so bad when I got there, but it took me a while to shake the really bad mood. It improved to just slightly bad. After lunch I was pretty much okay, but still rather quiet and that lump in my throat was present most of the day.

It is hard to stay on track in terms of being healthy when PMDD hits. I've noticed that some months are worse than others, but it's always there. There are times when it seems like it's so mild it might only be regular ol' PMS (except for the crazy mood swings and fluid retention), then there are times when I feel absolutely rotten. Apparently this is a rotten month.  I already feel like an unhealthy blob from my poor habits. NOW I have to handle PMDD too. I'm going to fight hard to make this a decent week.

I do have a plan for getting back on track...

First, I'm going to get right back into my exercise and healthy eating.  I've gotta cut out some of the things I eat. Lately I've been on a bit of a carb kick (which is only going to get worse this week!).  I still to whole grain and whole wheat things, but combined with the fruit that I love, I'm afraid I'm going to turn into a carb.  I love fruit, but definitely need to cut down a bit, while increasing my veggies. I'm much more of a fruit eater than a veggie eater. I'd say that on average I have two servings of veggies but four to six of fruits. Need. More. Veggies.

Part of my plan is going to involve a change in my social life. I feel like I've been going out for dinners and drinks too often lately. I went for so long without going out at all and now I feel like I'm going out a lot.

Last week I had meals out on Thursday night, Friday afternoon, and Saturday night.  I consumed alcohol on Wednesday and Saturday. Not. Good.  I hate it but I can't have the habits that my thinner friends do. It's really hard to try to do things with them when they really don't even have to worry about it and I do. Naturally, healthy is healthy and unhealthy is unhealthy so I TRY to keep in mind that I'm just being healthy...But it's still hard.  Throw my current mood into the mix and trying to resist those urges last week/weekend were even more difficult.  Sometimes being healthy makes me feel like as much of an outcast as being fat did. I wasn't an outcast but I let myself feel that way sometimes.

Oh great.. Here come the tears. Life with PMDD is so exhausting.

Anyway... Back to my plan... Basically it's just going back to my usual healthy lifestyle. I can't let a couple days get me so off-track. I get frustrated with myself because I KNOW what to do but lately, when I have big things going on I feel like I'm just lazy when it comes to doing them.  Sometimes I just want to be "like everyone else." I know I can't though. I care too much about my health to put it in jeopardy by eating whatever I want.

Sometimes I wonder where I get this strength. How have I not given up; given-in yet? Maybe it's just that I've really changed my lifestyle. Sure I have moments (too many recently, I think) that I've enjoyed some craziness but I haven't gone back to that lifestyle. Apparently I do have strength although there are days that it honestly surprises me that I have any at all (that's the mood talking).

On another note, registration for Disney's Princess Half Marathon starts tomorrow. A friend of mine is registering later in the week... I'll probably wait to see if she registers before I do. You know because God forbid I end up having no support there... I know I can do things on my own, yet I'm still afraid to sometimes. Again, the mood.

Today's workout plan includes a run and some strength training, just like I did last Tuesday. Although I'm off my 10K training plan, I'm not starting over. I'm just picking up where I left off. I'm a little nervous because unlike the previous week (that I took off from training), I haven't really done any working out this week. With no exercise in nearly a week, even four miles sounds a bit intimidating. I'll do it though; I always do.

Off I go....To begin my workout!


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