Friday, September 7, 2012

Difficulties and Expectations

Hmmm... Where to start? With the difficulties or the expectations?

I suppose I'll get the difficulties out of the way, starting with a disclaimer that this is personal, medical, and something not everyone may want to read. Continue reading at your own risk.

I just have to say that it is sometimes near torture being female (okay, there's your clue to stop reading if you haven't). A med that I'm on was changed about two months ago...Well, not the med itself but the brand. This med was supposed to help regulate something within my body... I've taken it for years for that very reason. For the second month in a row, I've been cursed with living through female issues too frequently and for too long. GAH!

First, this can effect so many things within the body. I have my suspicions that other than causing me to have frequent, long-lasting female issues it's caused some weight-related side effects.  I've been working out a lot... Some days I workout like a beast.  I'll admit I have moments where I eat things I should not and I indulge in drinks. However, those are not frequent. They should not be having this type of effect on my body.  Anyway, so I can't lose weight. But every few weeks I'm gaining thanks to fluid retention, it goes away but sometimes I can hold onto a lot of water... I've had times in the past that I have gone up at least ten pounds because of retention. I'm sure this is some of it.

I try not to focus on the scale, but imagine my disappointment of a good week of working out and healthy eating, and finding that I'd gained two pounds. This makes me a very unhappy camper.  Combine that with the crabby mood, slight insomnia, and level of exhaustion I'm currently experiencing and I'm just a delight (ha!). Luckily for me (actually, for everyone else in my life) my crabby moments have not been when I've been around people.  Then the crabby disappears and I want to burst into tears.

Like today... I was thinking about life, in general... What I want, what I don't want, and what I'm unsure about. I'm quickly approaching 32. I'm not married and honestly I'm not sure if I want that or not. The idea of it frightens me a little. What I do want is to be a Mother... More than anything else. I don't think my life will be complete without a child. I have this idea in mind that if I'm 35, unmarried and without child (which will happen if I'm not married) I'm going to adopt. Adoption can be a lengthy process... I'm guessing that single parent adoption may take even longer. So... 35 is only a little over 3 years away. Average wait time for an adoption is about a year and a half...I think that stat was for couples. I have double that, but I don't want to take any chances. I don't know why I picked 35 as my magic age, but if I want to be a Mom at 35 and I adopt...I'll have to start that process earlier.

Here's the other thing... Lately I've had a bit of the baby fever. Maybe the proverbial biological clock is starting to tick? Loudly? I've had the opportunity to accomplish a lot in my life and I know that, for me, that's what's next. 

Anyway...Thinking about all of this took me from crabby to tears, in an instant. I don't know why I was crying...If It was thoughts of a happy future or just knowing what I want. I don't think it was sadness... I don't feel sad about not being a Mother (yet).  So this mood insanity is going to be here for a little while. In fact, based on when it should occur, it is early.

I fear that I am facing another two weeks of crazy emotions.  This little difficulty had better straighten out soon. I cannot deal with this every couple weeks - that's nuts!! A friend gave me a suggestion that I plan to try. I'll give it a little while and if it things don't change, I'll be seeing my doc to change something! This isn't normal and I refuse to make my body go through that.

As for the expectations...

First, I am expecting a great, fun-filled weekend. It's just not getting here fast enough. I'm excited to spend a little time in the city, watching some baseball, and having great bonding time with my cousin for her birthday weekend...Hoping to meet up with other friends too.

I ordered some DVDs from Groupon (yay for a deal!) that came in the mail today. As soon as I finish this, I'm off to try a new workout routine. It's another Beachbody set, Rockin' Body. Yes, I've signed up with Team Beachbody...I could order from the website...BUT the Groupon was an awesome deal so I bought it there instead. I'm sure that Beachbody will still make a good profit off of it anyway, so I don't feel at all guilty about not buying directly from the site. Hmmm... Can you get fired as a coach? :)

I am pretty excited to go start the routine and see what it's all about. I have a high expectation that it will be a good calorie blasting workout.... In fact, I'm excited to start so I'm going to wrap this up and get down to my little gym and start! I'll try to review it later this evening.

Hope your week has been off to a great start!

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