Thursday, March 7, 2013

Loss of Control

Do you ever feel like you have complete control of some areas of your life but when it comes to others you just don't? In the past it was my eating that I couldn't control.  Now that I've got that down, as well as exercise, I find myself feeling out of control in other areas. I believe I posted about this before and had a plan on attack. Well, you know... The best laid plans...

What, exactly, is my problem?

The home front.  I go to work, workout, take the dogs out, feed the dogs, take the dogs out again, shower, cook, eat dinner, and clean up the kitchen every day and evening. Sometimes though, I allow myself to fall behind because I just don't feel like doing things.  I have this urge to get so many little home projects done; cleaning, organizing, cute little crafty things, getting things done on etsy, designing more t-shirts... I have to book hotels for upcoming races. I have to figure out why my cable and Internet seem to be plagued by some evil force. Seriously. I got a new cable box and I can't get it to work. I got a new modem too... It worked well when I first hooked it up. The next evening I went to do the online part of set-up and it won't work. That was two days ago. I've spent time in the evenings trying to figure it out but when I'm tired and already annoyed with it, it's easy to get frustrated and quit. Blogging would be a lot easier from my computer than my phone! You'd think that the fact that I'm paying for those things would be a motivator to finally get them done. Well... Here's the thing... If someone comes in to fix it, they're gonna see the no-no zones (disorganization!) of the house. This requires me getting some organization done before someone comes in.

Where does the time go? I suppose having been on vacation and then babysitting last weekend kind of impacted on all of that.  I've been so busy that I haven't had much time on the weekends to do those things. I was on a roll for a while, but lately I've fallen short.

Here's my problem...

By the time I get home and do all of the things I mentioned earlier, I'm tired. Most nights it's 8:00 before I stop. Honestly? When that time comes I want to relax. I try to go to bed around 10:00. By the time I sit down at 8:00 I want to keep sitting. I do not want to get up and start some project. And in all honesty, I need to get some cleaning and organizing done before I do anymore major projects.

I'm motivated to do them early in the day. I wake-up thinking, "today I'll get this done," or "I really need to do this today. No excuses." Even when I'm home at lunch I think about how I need to accomplish things. Then I get home and I write, change, and start the nightly process... By the time I'm done? I do not want to workout. 

I thought a solution would be to start on that right away when I get home.... Wait to workout. But then I realized I won't want to workout. Or it'll be getting later and I'll be getting hungry.  It's a vicious cycle. I am busy all day and by the time I have time to do the extras, I feel tired and want to relax.

A solution that would work is to get back to morning workouts. This has been hard lately because I've been so tired. All the time. I haven't been sleeping well (up a couple times; then wide awake super early - but too early to get up - and trying to force myself to sleep). During the time I try to go back to sleep I'm sure I haven't been sleeping very well. I've been having weird dreams...And I remember them. I must be somewhat lucid at some point. When you don't sleep well, the last thing you want to do is get up earlier and workout.

I also need time to wake-up. Getting up at 5:30, changing, and immediately running a few miles is hard for me. I can get up and bike. I can do some DVDs in the morning. Pretty much anything that's a lower impact... I'm good with that. Lately I'm running and doing Turbofire. Neither of those is low impact. So the appeal of doing them early in the morning just isn't there for me. Honestly sleeping until six or seven and not working out until around nine is perfect for me. Unfortunately life doesn't permit that.

Here I am... In this rut. Again. I think if I get my energy back (sleep better!) then I'll have an easier time with it. One thing I really need to do is get my computer room cleaned out/organized. Like pronto. I KNOW I have an older driver's license around the house (I lost mine in the fall, replaced it, and then found the old one) and I need to find it. Soon. I lost my newer one in Florida. Yup, I've been driving around without my license on me. I can go get a new one but it won't come in the mail fast enough... I'm going to spend the evening in the city for St. Pat's. Ummm..... I most definitely need to find it so that I can at least have one festive drink! All week I've told myself "I need to find that..."  I've looked a little, in a couple places, but haven't looked very hard. And definitely not in all the places. It really will not take me that long to get it done because the room is fairly small. It's just a matter of feeling up to doing it.

That's my goal for tonight. To get that room picked up and find that dang license. If it's not there then it is actually lost again and I will have to go get a new one. Hmm... Hopefully with some other picture ID and my temporary paper license I'll get served somewhere. I doubt they're going to be as kind as they were at various places in Florida....of course I had my parents with me, confirming my age. And really... Who says they're 32 when they're under 21? More importantly though, I need to have that for driving as well as in case of an accident or something. I can't imagine not being identified and ending up in a hospital with memory loss or something. Yikes!

I'm hoping that the weekend will energize me, I'll get some better quality sleep, and will be ready to start a new week feeling refreshed.  Fingers crossed....

I guess I should get moving. I'm spending time writing and I could be working out so that I can get things done; especially cleaning/organizing that room! I guess it's not as difficult since I don't have TV to watch... Of course that's what's made me procrastinate the last few nights... Why hurry to get my workout done when there's nothing but movies to watch?

Okay.... Time to run! After that I will probably do some Turbofire (one of the shorter workouts).


1 comment:

  1. I feel ya. Those ruts are awful. Especially for a perfectionist like me. It makes me feel like a failure when really we just need a little catching up to do. Keep that chin up.