Thursday, April 4, 2013

Small Victories.

Do you ever ask yourself, "what is wrong with me today?" That's been the question in my head today. Well, all week actually. I've been craving sweet things like crazy. I wonder if that's because I had some sweet things last week, and then over the weekend... And earlier in the week. Once you get sugar, your body wants it. There's a lot of research that shows various reasons for which the body craves sugar; one of those being consumption.

Sugary crap (candy) is readily available at work. If it were only in the vending machine upstairs, I'd avoid it completely. Taking that extra time to go get something I know is bad for me makes me reconsider. This is also the reason I try not to keep things at home. If it's there, I will eat it. Having it around also makes it easier to binge... Not necessarily for an emotional reason, but sometimes just because it's there. For me, it is best to just keep it out of the house.

Anyway, the problem with the sweets at work is that our recreation therapy staff sells it to raise money for a fund so that we can buy residents Christmas gifts.  That room is just through an inconvenient door that someone decided needed to be there. The door has really not served any good purpose. People used to use it to cut through from one office to another (pretty sure that wasn't the intended purpose; and talk about annoying!), but now there's an area blocked off and they cannot get through (ha!). I suppose it was there for convenience between the two departments. However, it's really not that hard to go to the hallway and then to the next door. Okay, I'm off-track ranting about the door. The door DOES have its place in this little explanation though.

Do you know how easy it is to walk a few feet to the Land of Treats?  It's easy. Very easy. Too easy.  I was fighting it this afternoon. I had one of those self-talks (just in my head!) about how I shouldn't do it. I was trying to tell myself that I have the points left for it, and already decided I don't want any wine tonight (WHAT?!). The only "treat" type thing I have at home is a Cliff Bar. High on calories, carbs, and such, but it would be an okay snack since it has a good amount of protein in it. Despite that, I'm trying to avoid those. It's six or seven points for one. Sure, it's slightly cookie-like but that's a lot of points. Just like that's a lot of points for some kind of candy coated chocolate pure-evil-goodness.

Fortunately for me the voice in my head that said things "you don't need that," "you're trying to get away from that junk," "that is NOT going to do you any good," is the voice that won. Thank goodness. I think this is the first time all week that the good voice won. Sure, yesterday it was a matter of a Cliff Bar, but STILL. It took a lot of talking because something sweet was sounding like such a great idea.... The kind of great idea I'd be upset about later.  In addition to the self-talk, I ate some almonds and drank a glass of water. This seemed to help curb the craving. By the time I saw something sweet a little while later, I didn't want it anymore.

Another thing that's helped? Knowing that I had no weekly points left after last weekend. There's debate about eating your activity points or not... I try not to. I prefer not to. This week? I've been working my ass off just to break even. I used my weekly points allowance plus my activity points. That's a lot of points. I feel good from all the working out I've done, however it sucks to know that I ate back every single point that I earned. If I'm putting in this work I'd rather see my activity points pile up, and if I happen to use a few then okay.

Beating a craving like that is NOT easy. For a while when I was super regimented with my eating, it was easy. I went "cold turkey" from all things bad and didn't miss it. That was at the start of this journey and lasted for quite a while.  When I started allowing little treats into my diet (still not at home), I noticed it was harder for me to avoid them.  Honestly there are times when I'm out with others and they get some awesome fried appetizer that I feel a little bummed that I don't indulge. Sometimes I will, but if I know I'm eating out twice in a day or will be having cocktails too, I try not to give in. I allow little indulgences but too many is bad news.

It's a small victory, and for me (because of how well I know I can do), it doesn't even seem worth celebrating. BUT I know I need to be happy with myself for avoiding it. With all of my running around, I'm feeling so off-track (because I AM), and even a small victory like this one feels good.

Part of my recent desire to be home is eating-related. I hate getting away from my usual schedule. It's so much easier to indulge when I'm not home, and in some situations I cannot cook and am forced to eat out. I get tired of it. I feel yucky when I eat out too much and would just rather avoid it if at all possible. I do go for healthier options when I can but sometimes it is hard. And sometimes there really are no good options. There are options disguised as good, that really aren't so great. It's like if something is lower in fat or calories, it's higher in sodium. It is a very hard game to win. About the only way to win the eating out game is by avoiding it, or really limiting it.  With all I've been doing lately, I've not been good about that. I seem to go in streaks... When I'm on the go, I'm not so good. When I'm home a little more, I'm great.

I'm trying to focus on healthy eating more than I have lately, which is why I'm pretty excited about just staying home for a while. I'm also interested in cooking new things again. I tried a new recipe the other night (from WW!) the other night, unsure of how it would be and... It was wonderful. I will definitely make that dinner again. When I have a success like that (and the time!) I enjoy cooking. I've gotten into a routine again and definitely need to get back to trying to mix it up more.

I need groceries.  I plan to sit down and write out a list of different meal ideas and what I need. I also need to stock up on things like fruits and veggies... Other than clementines I'm out of fruit. The veggie situation isn't much better. Another perk to being home - a full grocery shopping trip on Sunday! Yay! I'm seriously excited about that.

On a non-food related note...That exercise I've been doing? Has made me feel pretty good. I've been tired a lot but the workouts make me feel better and make my mood better. I can feel the work today - woohoo! I hadn't done the TF Tone workout in a few weeks (only getting in one ST session using the Sculpt workout) and I can feel it today.  In addition to tone, I did a core workout so I feel it in my core too. I'm pretty sure I'm a little sore just about everywhere.... Glutes, thighs, arms, abs, back... All of it; sore. I love it. I especially love it because I worked at a harder level than the last time I did each of those workouts. Obviously I have improved and got to a point where I am pushing hard enough I feel it again. 

Today is just a cardio day; three mile run followed by TF Fire 55. I'm thinking I should do my run outside... I'm not in the treadmill mood and it's soooo easy to get distracted when I'm on it and in that mood. If I run outside, I can't stop and goof around or text or whatever. I tend to push harder outside and since it's finally getting warmer, I really should get out there. I'll be done earlier if I do it outside too.... Leaving time to pick up the house a little; especially to finish cleaning my room (why do I have SO many clothes!?).

I've been in a bit of a funk lately so working out a lot has helped a lot...Getting back on track with eating will help too.  I think getting outside will help even more because I won't be dreading my run. I like to run, but I really am not enjoying being stuck inside anymore. I know I CHOOSE to run inside when it's cold and I could run outside but I don't like it. At all. I've given it a couple good chances and I'm not a fan.

I suppose I should get to work on that run....

Make time to celebrate your own small victories!!


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