Monday, April 1, 2013

What Happened to Thursday and Friday?

Wow! I haven't written a post in several days. What happened? I got busy....You know, with life stuff. Then the weekend was busy (full of Easter-related fun) and here it is...Monday.

I won't bore you with all the details of my unplanned absence from blogging. I did a lot of running around and it was an exhausting several days. In fact, I napped on the couch last evening, and slept hard last night....And still feel tired. I can't believe how fast the time went by!

Easter... How was yours? Did you exercise? How was your eating?

My Easter went well... I did not exercise (luckily it was my rest day and I actually used part of it it rest). I think I ate pretty well though. I did go over my daily PP allowance but not by much. I didn't over-eat. I just ate a couple things that were higher in calories than normal.  I loaded up on fresh veggies and fruits at Easter dinner, and then ate one piece of meat and a scoop of the two casseroles. Not bad...Not totally normal but not awful either.

I'm really not one of those people who go overboard with eating on holidays. There are times when I will eat "too much" like a lot of people do... However my "too much" is a lot different than it used to be. Now my "too much" is one (not even full - you can see empty spaces) plate of food, often full of healthy things like fruits and veggies. One plate makes me feel so full! In the past my "too much" was a full plate and then seconds of whatever I happened to like the best...Usually some sort of side dishes that included unhealthy things.  Now I might have a little scoop of dessert. In the past, I'd eat a bigger portion no matter how full I felt.

It's amazing to know that I didn't recognize feeling like I'd eaten too much before. And now I can feel physical effects of having eaten things I don't usually eat, meals out over the weekend - including drinks....Puffy. My poor little fingers are bloated. Freaking sodium. Yes, I drank a lot of water yesterday. Yes, I'm drinking a lot of water today too. 

Saturday wasn't as great. I ate out twice. I had adult beverages. I used all of my weekly PP allowance in one day. Again. Plus I pre-used some activity points. Yes, it was an indulgent Saturday. I also did not do my five mile run like I was supposed to. Lunch upset my stomach (yeah that made it really worth the points! UGH!) so I rested instead. I don't know about you but doing a five mile run while not feeling well (especially with an upset stomach) just is not a good idea. I was also really chilled and felt kinda tired. So instead of running I rested and napped.

I really need to get these weekends under control. I don't know why something that was once SO EASY for me has gotten to be so hard.

Maybe I'm secretly happy with what I've accomplished so I don't really care if I lose more weight? But I know I DO care deep down. I want to lose more weight. It just seems like somewhere in my brain I've accepted this current weight and I'm stuck.  My intake is generally healthy but increased weekend socialization has really caused me to go off-track at those times. And? I don't care. I can consciously think about something and make a good choice, then later I don't think twice about making  a bad choice.

I have accomplished a lot. Maybe my brain has settled on that and somewhere I am okay with just maintaining. It's like the part of my brain that has accepted where I am is far louder than the part that's saying "you're still not where you need to be." I've learned to live healthy and do, the majority of the time. I've learned to leave healthy in a manner that allows me to maintain a huge loss.

I need to get myself back into the losing frame of mind.

I just have to figure out how to do that. There's a reason I am where I am. I need to find out what it is.  When I lost weight before I didn't do a lot, socially. That was my choice. I stayed home rather than going out. I stopped eating out so often. I quit participating in potlucks and such at work. I started exercising more.  I think that my current level of exercise is good.... It's really the eating part that is not.

I have to figure out not only how to change but how to re-frame my thinking so that I get back to losing. There's a balance somewhere. I need to find it. I've gone off-track in terms of losing. But I've stayed on-track in terms of being healthy.  Have I decided that living healthy is more important than my weight? I am far less obsessed as I used to be (which wasn't helping me to lose).

I am stuck for one of two reasons...

One is positive. I am happy. I feel good about myself. I feel like I look good. I have energy. I workout and eat healthy. I'm proud of what I've done.

Two is not positive. I'm lost. I'm tired of fighting to lose pounds. Maybe somewhere inside I am unhappy or fearful of something, like I was before I lost weight.

I am honestly not sure if it is one or the other. Maybe it's a combination of both. I think it's time I do a little searching to figure out what's going on inside of me that's preventing me from losing weight...Good or bad. Maybe I am happy with where I am and that's good enough for me. I'm living healthy and maintaining a loss.  Or it's the other. 

Time to journal a little more (privately) and see what I can come up with.... Stay tuned.

Have a great week!

XOXO

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