Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Fashion and Insults.

This topic is a little different than my usual topics but came to mind tonight as I was surfing various fashion blogs on my iPad, watching nothing particularly exciting on TV, and not working out (more on that in my next typical type of post). I'll probably set this to go live sometime tomorrow since I'm not sure if I will have time tomorrow night for a post. I'm not writing about health and fitness for once. And because I'm not, and condoning plus size fashion, I'm sure someone will have something to say. Yes, clinically and health-wise, it is unhealthy to be overweight or obese (just as it is to be underweight).... I'm not talkin' about health though. I'm talkin' fashion...

Recently, I think someone tried to insult me... Or tried to make me upset with the person who supposedly said these things.  I read the exchange of messages out loud to that person and those things were denied. I believe the person I know (who supposedly said them) over the person I don't know (who I feel may have been trying to stir up drama). Anyway, so there were words like "insecure" and "pathetic" thrown around (in response to something I had posted on FB). If that's how I appeared to that person, well... okay.  People who know me know otherwise. More importantly, I know otherwise. I'm neither insecure nor pathetic. I something I did made me look that way, then that's unfortunate, but I didn't really let it get to me. Also, that was the opinion of one person who was offended by me. Grain of salt? Yup.

I am, in fact, a very secure person. Have I always been? No.  I used to be pretty insecure about some things that I'm no longer insecure about. I made those public in places like Facebook and on the blog. I suspect that said person's thoughts on which insecurities to attack were stemmed from my past insecurities. Good thing I'm over those, or those words really would've hurt me. Now, I know we all have insecurities... However, mine have changed. In fact they've changed so much that I'm not quite sure what they are... I guess I can't think of any major insecurities I had. Now they're more situational. Something happens, it hurts, you become a little insecure over it. I guess I don't have one thing that jumps out at me that makes me feel insecure.

Holy crap... That's a first. Seriously. I used to be able to make a long list of insecurities. Now I can't. I'm challenging myself to think of a few...Right now.

I still get a little insecure about my running abilities when races come about - I have this odd, irrational fear of being last. That shouldn't matter though. And typically when I see the last runner cross, it takes all I have to not run over to a complete stranger and congratulate them. Place doesn't matter - being there, participating...That's what matters. However, I still feel little pang of insecurity sometimes.

What else? My cooking every now and then. My boyfriend does not typically eat as healthy as I do. I frequently worry that he's not going to like whatever healthy, "strange" (to him) concoction I come up with or new recipe I try. So far he has not complained, yet I worry that I'm going to try a new recipe and it's gonna bomb.  I shouldn't worry... That's why they have delivery and take out right?!

Okay, good, I'm still human... I have some insecurities.

Back to the discussion at hand... Some of what was said was that this person said that I dress like I'm skinny but I'm not.  I think this could've been a double insult. First, it's attacking my style of dressing, which is pretty dang normal. I realize that I have cellulite on my thighs... I don't go running around in hot pants because I don't think I'd like how they looked...Not because of what someone else may think.  I dress in a way that is comfortable (for me) and stylish (I even try to coordinate my workout gear!). I cannot think of a single outfit that I've worn that makes me look like a cow trying to squeeze into a cat's outfit. Nope. Not one. I don't wear it if I don't feel confident in it. So, that's false.

Secondly....Did you just call me fat?! I wanted to bit a derogatory adjective in front of "did" but I refrained because I'm not that rude. Even if someone else calls me the b-word I'm not going to do it in return. IF I did it certainly wouldn't be publicly on my blog.  I just feel some things are inappropriate for publishing. I know it's my blog and I can say what I want... I just don't like to use language that makes me look trashy (my own opinion of how I would appear).

Anyway, I'm not fat. Thanks. I USED to be fat. I'm not fat anymore. Even on my "fat days" I'm not fat. I have fat, yes. We all have some percentage of fat. But I'm not fat.  I'm fairly certain that "you dress like your skinny and your not" (in quotes due to the incorrect usage of "your" - seriously no one should EVER give me a red pen or I'd be correcting the entire world; pet peeve) translates to, "you dress like you'RE skinny but you'RE fat." Typically the opposite of skinny is fat.

Anyway, I'm not fat. I'm not skinny either.  I'm somewhere in between; about average, actually...But with a little more muscle. Last time I checked, wearing a medium/large did not equal fat. I'm sitting here as I write this wearing something that's a size large and is too big for me. That's fat? I'm pretty sure it is not. Can I wear a small/medium like I could a couple years ago? Nope. But I'm not fat. When I was fat I was busting out of a size 24 (2/3X)  because I refused to go up. To me, that's fat. I suppose someone else may think average is fat, but that's not my belief...Or the belief of many, many others.  I don't think that what was said took this into consideration. I honestly believe that it came from a negative place and was an attempt to, sneakily, call me fat. FAIL.

Have I mentioned.... I have no desire to be "skinny." I currently strive to be fit, thank you very much. Am I what fits my personal definition of fit? Nope. Am I on my way to that point? Yup.  Even when I weighed less than I do now I wasn't fit.  I looked skinny. I recently showed my boyfriend a picture from the summer of 2011 and he said I looked too skinny. I said, maybe...Other than the excess skin (which is still apparent to me and not others). It is true, my bones stuck out a lot more and the shape of my face did resemble a skull.  I like the weight that I was at, which is why I'm currently working to get back to that weight. However, when I get there, I'd like to have more muscle....Which is why I'm focusing more on ST than I did in the past.  So, as insulting as "you dress like your skinny and your not" was meant to be - it wasn't insulting. Why? Because I know I'm not fat and I don't want to be skinny. When you have self-confidence and you know what you want and are working toward your goal, things like that don't bother you as much as they might otherwise.

The second part of this has to do with fashion. Could someone please tell me how plus size should dress? Frumpy? In mu-mus? Sweats and big, baggy t-shirts? Plus size girls are not supposed to have style, are they? THAT seems to be the trend. I do not agree.

**By the way, I'm using the words "fat" and "plus size"in a way that society would define it. NOT as a way I would define it and I do not agree. It's being used just for the sake of this post.**

Plus size girls should have style like anyone else. Wearing baggy pants and t-shirts is unflattering. Honestly, ya look frumpy. You do not have to look frumpy. Maybe people just don't care about fashion, which is their prerogative. Maybe others don't know what to wear or don't have the confidence to wear fashionable things? That just plain sucks.

When I was fat, I still had style.  I still loved to shop. I was limited to wear I could buy things (most frequently Lane Bryant, Torrid, and the plus selections at others stores sometimes). While I knew I shouldn't wear tight, roll-emphasizing clothing, I also knew that I shouldn't be limited to looking like a slob (my opinion of how I'd look if I dressed in a certain way; not saying others are slobs). It does not matter your size...You should always dress to flatter your body. Believe me, so-called "skinny" people can make huge, unflattering mistakes too. I learned to wear what accentuated my positives and drew attention away from my "flaws" - or areas I did not need to accentuate. I spent a lot of time on make-up and hair; and loved my accessories. I still use those same rules. I accentuate areas I like. I wear shirts that show my chest - no, not my boobs, but the space above them. I wear colors and use make-up that shows off my beautiful eyes. I wear fitted bottoms that hug my curves (but not too tightly). I love high-waisted skirts that draw attention to the more narrow part of my body. I still like my accessories.

Plus size girls can be stylish. They can love fashion just as much as any other girl. I found a couple blogs that emphasize my point.  I know that there are narrow-minded people who will say "she's too fat" for that, but they're obviously looking at outfits with a different eye than I am. I'd take a guess that they are really not into fashion either. I think that people who are passionate about fashion see things a little differently than others might. Open your eyes; open your minds... See the beauty in what is different. You don't have to change your opinion or agree with mine, but try to see it from a different perspective.

I found a lot of blogs that showcase great fashion, in a larger size. They show how a plus size lady can be stylish and look fabulous without looking like she's inappropriately dressed.

Gabi Gregg
Nadia Aboulhosn
Chasity Garner
Nicolette Mason

There are several others out there, but those are some that I really liked and thought would be good examples of how plus size women can be stylish and can wear some of the same looks that "skinny" ladies wear, and that it does not mean that they look "bad." Those blogs are also a good reference for places to shop. If you're plus size and need some style tips or ideas on where to shop, check out those blogs!

That brings me to the end of my post.

Things to be noted -
1. I'm confident. I'm secure.
2. Comments/opinions about how I dress are listened to (as with any) but that's it. They do not hurt my feelings. If they did, I would not constantly over-dress...Believe me, in a small town if you show up at a bar wearing heels and a cute LBD, you're gonna get some looks and some comments ("who does she think she is?"). I've heard them. I don't let them bother me. Instead I smile and say to myself "bless her heart" (look up this Southern reference if you don't know what it means).  In retrospect, I should've closed my last message to previously mentioned person with that line. Dang. Always too late!
3. I'm not fat, thank you very much.
4. I'm not skinny, either. Thank you even more.
5. Things that people attempt to use to insult me generally will not work (see above note about confidence).
6. Plus size women can look good in things that people think are reserved for "skinny" people.

Happy Wednesday!!

XOXO














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