I'm not certain that this post will follow any particular pattern. I apologize now if it gets super off-track or takes some twists and turns.
First, I'm still not feeling well and have not worked out since my half hour of ST on Wednesday night. This is also why I did not post yesterday. I really had nothing to write about (except being sick) because I didn't do much of anything. I spent all day on the couch, in a medication-induced stupor. I got up to use the bathroom, get more water, get more tissue, and to try to eat a couple times. Oh, I did venture down stairs later in the evening and did a couple loads of laundry. That was the extent of the excitement of my day. I didn't even shower.
While I'm not feeling great, I do feel better today. My fever (which as far as I know peaked at 100.9) seems to be gone. I didn't take my temp this morning and haven't all day but I feel better. I'm not as tired or out of it. Of course, I'm pretty sure the cold medicines played a role in how groggy I was feeling. Other than feeling a bit congested, things seem to be getting better. I definitely feel more alert when not taking any cold meds, however it is getting to the point that I'm so congested, I may need to.
I'm actually getting my appetite back too. I haven't been hungry much this week. On Monday I did manage to eat just over 1200 calories so, I at least got enough in one day. Tuesday it decreased to just under 1200. Wednesday and yesterday were pretty bad. Wednesday I ended the day at 875 (plus I did some ST which made my net for the day 608 calories). Yesterday I didn't even eat half of the minimum I should've eaten. I ended the day just short of 600. I'm at 540 for today, as of now, so as long as I eat dinner I should be in a little bit better shape today. I'm actually starting to feel hungry again, so that's good. Yesterday I felt absolutely no hunger, yet my stomach was growling. Odd. Today that actual feeling of hunger has returned. There goes the five pounds I dropped in two days. I'm sure I'll gain it back as soon as I eat normally again, which isn't a bad thing. It's not good to lose weight so fast, and it is definitely not good to lose it because you aren't eating. No worries, friends, at least a couple of those pounds will be back soon, I'm sure.
I feel as though I might be able to workout in a bit too.... Nothing too intense! I'll most likely do CLX, which will be around 30 minutes. I'm still feeling pretty fatigued so I don't think I'll do much cardio. If anything, I can probably handle 20-30 minutes of biking. I will not be running and doubt that I'll even be able to pull off a walk...Maybe a slow one. I'll see how I feel after the DVD. Then I'll attempt either a 20-30 minute (slow) walk or biking. Biking is far less intense, obviously. It might be a nice way to start getting back into the swing of things. I'll honestly be happy if I complete just the ST DVD. No guilt or being hard on myself if I'm too tired to do anything else after.
In other news...
My Dad called me at work today to tell me some sad news...Our family dog died this morning. He's been failing for a while now and today just got to the point where his suffering needed to end. He had a large tumor on his back and some smaller ones, that may or may not have been malignant. At his age, there was not really any reason to test them, as my parents would not have treated him. He'd been having urinary incontinence and I think even some pooping accidents, in the house. He couldn't jump up into vehicles anymore; he had to be picked up. He had been having more pain. Last night he was up barking and howling for no apparent reason (suspect it was pain). This morning my Mom went to get him up and he wouldn't move from the bedroom floor. She called my Dad who had to go get him. The dog couldn't (or wouldn't) walk. He even growled at my Dad when he went to pick him up, so we think he was in some serious pain. My Dad carried him to his truck and took him to our local animal control center to have him put down. Ugh... I can't even write about it without tearing up. I just picture his fuzzy old body laying there with the medicine going into him, slowly drifting him off to sleep. I suppose that was the most peaceful way for him to go.... It's just hard. He just turned 14, so he was old and it was obviously time. I think it would've been harder on everyone to watch him suffer and wait to go on his own. My Mom said that she felt like the look he gave her this morning reminded her of a person who would've said, "please let this be over."
I wonder what my dogs will do when they go to my parents' house next time. I imagine they'll be running all over trying to find him. How sad...Animals can't understand why their buddy is suddenly not there anymore. I know that animals do not think or feel the way that humans do (although we often give them human attributes), but I'm sure that on some level they have some sense of those things. My Buddy always knows when I'm upset. I can be crying and he will not leave my side. There's gotta be something there that makes him sense that I need him.
I'll never forget the day we got Spanky. It was actually night time. I was in college and my Mom was working 3-11 at that time (she's a nurse). She came home from work and woke my Dad up to tell him something was under the deck and it was crying. The commotion woke me up too. I remember it being March and my Dad crawling under the deck and retrieving this adorable little black mutt. My Dad was against getting a dog but both my Mom and I thought we should keep him. That first night my Dad insisted we keep him in a box. He cried. My Dad wrapped a clock in a blanket to try to comfort him. He cried. I fed him some Cheerios. The dog ended up in my bed that night. And may other nights. Eventually the little puppy became my Dad's best buddy, going to work with him every day. He'd get mad if he was left behind.
In more recent months, he wasn't as willing to go and sometimes my Dad would have to force him to go with him. On days my Mom was off, like today, he'd stay home with her.
He was quite the dog.... Stubborn, that's for sure. He did what he wanted and it was difficult to change his mind. He loved treats. His favorite place was outside. He'd lay for hours in the cold because he'd refuse to come back in. My Dad had someone stop and yell at him about not caring for his dog once, because she thought he was always left outside and it was cold. Nope. Spanky refused to go in and wanted to lay out there. He was well fed and had a warm, happy home.
He liked to attack squirrels and cats, like the stereotypical dog. He once cost my dad about 200 dollars in vet fees because he attacked a lady's cat. He was a hunter and catching his prey was something he was so proud of....Even if he didn't realize that sometimes he went after the wrong prey! I remember how he'd catch a squirrel and run with it in his mouth like he was the winner of some contest. He also liked to shake them around a little bit. I know that sounds terrible, but remember, animals are hunters...And that's what he did.
So...I've spent some time crying today. And will spend more time crying this evening and in the days to come. I'm an animal lover. Pets are like family to me. Spanky was my brother. Buddy and Belle are my children. I'm one of those people give human attributes to animals and I see nothing wrong with that. They get into my heart like some people do; and in some cases more than some people! I'll miss the old man so much. As the sun shines down, on a day that was supposed to be cloudy and full of snow showers, I know that Spanky is in Doggy Heaven, chasing some squirrel or cat, or chewing on a treat.
I'm off to spend the weekend resting, recovering, and grieving my old friend.
I hope that you all have a good weekend!!