Monday, December 28, 2015

When Did I Lose My Love of Blogging?

At some point blogging became something I had to do... People were reading. They were expecting things. If I posted only twice a month I felt guilty.  I've been gone for over two months.  When I looked at the last post date I thought, "wow, that's been a while."  Then I realized that blogging was starting to become too monotonous for me.  It was starting to feel like something I had to make sure I did rather than something I did because I loved it.  I'm not sure when it happened but at some point, blogging just didn't become a priority.  Maybe because sometimes I felt as though I was writing the same old thing over and over again.  How much can one say about working out? I stopped being as in-depth and raw as I used to be because I was pretty sure that, at least for a while, people with ill-intentions were reading.  Would they use what I said to talk about me? They'd already been talking about me and saying things that weren't accurate. Would they take what I wrote here and change it around for their own amusement? My love for blogging left when I started being more guarded than I used to be. I'm pretty sure I posted before that I wasn't going to let those people bother me, but somewhere I let it. If I didn't, I'd have kept posting all the ugly stuff too.

I guess I finally realized that no matter what you do, someone is going to find a reason not to like you. There will always be someone who says something bad about you and tries to make you look like a fool.  In reality, the people that those people are talking to... Well, they probably don't matter much to me. Their opinions are irrelevant to my life. It happened again recently... I stood by someone's side and suddenly I was made out to be a bad person again. This wasn't even something I'd said or done (other than give support to someone who was screwed over). Things I'd said to someone else were twisted (isn't that always how it goes?). Mostly though I learned that I don't have to deal with people like that. I mean, this is my life; not theirs. I'd hope that by now they'd have become bored with me to not be reading, but even if they are...I don't care anymore.

I'm not, by any means, one of those super religious people.  But I am exploring  my relationship with God again. I likely won't post about it here because it's not related to this blog.  I'm not trying to be preachy. I'm just trying to make sure I'm living in a way that makes me feel good. And getting back into reading my Bible and working on that relationship is something that, for me, works.

With that, I'm going to just be raw, genuine me and so what... I mean, clearly if I'm saying something here, it can be seen. My actual words can be read.

First... I've gained some weight over...Well the last two years. I guess that's not really anything new. I've posted on that before.  I gained a little, stablized, and gained some more with some medication changes. So yeah, I'm kinda fat again. I'm working on that.

The biggest challenge is the eating. My boyfriend's diet is horrible and it's SO easy for me to follow in his footsteps.  He's gotten a bit fat too. Happy weight, he says.  Whatever it is for him, I know, and have known, that I cannot eat the junk he eats and expect to be okay. Yet I get sucked in. Usually I try to get dinner or something going before he has a chance to mention whatever crap food he wants to eat.  Generally that works. As long as I am quick enough.  I have improved since summer and now that it's colder, refreshing adult beverages are not nearly as enticing. I wasn't a big drinker before, but sometimes when it's hot, a Goose Island 312 or a Summer Shandy hits the spot. Those are full of calories, as is wine.  I may only have one or two but that's still more extra calories. It all adds up. Quickly.

I still workout more days than not. It's usually five or six days.  Sometimes seven.

Last week was a little different with Christmas.  It was a short work week and I wanted to see as many of my clients as possible. I worked some longer, packed days, which decreased my workout time. I'm still not a "get up at five in the morning and bust ass" kind of girl. I like my workouts but I also like, and need, my sleep.  I'm also slow in the morning. I'd have get up at four just to be ready for a workout at five. Do you know how early I'd have to go to bed to accomplish that? Like eight in the evening! I'm not even home until then, or later, some nights.  So then there was Christmas prep - Wednesday night I baked from seven until nearly one in the morning.  I got up Thursday morning and finished. Then I went with my boyfriend to do his last minute shopping, which turned into me also doing some last minute shopping. Then I came home to wrap and organize all the gifts.  Then we went to visit my Grandpa, who is currently in a nursing facility for some therapy.  Then we stopped home, picked up gifts, and went and had our Christmas with my parents and grandma.  On the way home we drove around and looked at Christmas lights.  Needless to say we weren't home until nearly eleven that night.  So Friday we slept in.  I had a couple small things to finish and then had to get ready to go to my boyfriend's Grandma's for his Dad's family's Christmas.  We were there for a few hours and went out to his Mom's for her Christmas and for the night.  We had some errands to do Saturday and by the time we got home it was Saturday afternoon.  And honestly? I was beat.  We unpacked our stuff and then spent the day lounging.  Yesterday I finally got back into working out after having way too many days off. Oddly though, I was so busy I still managed to get my 10,000 steps most of those busy days (and not that far under on the others).

I'm part of a fitness challenge group and had a goal of 75 fitness points this month.  This was based on two long runs (one of which would've been last weekend). I still haven't found time to get that 9.5 mile run in and likely will not have the time before the end of the month. I'm slow.  9.5 miles takes me a long time.  I'm also dealing with some sort of injury. I thought maybe plantar fasciitis in both feet.  I;ve had calf pain... About half way down and mostly on the outsides of both calves. Possibly compartment syndrome. Seems like more than just shin splints, that's for sure. It will come and be horrible for part of a run and then sometimes, on a longer run, it resolves on it's own.  Sooo...If I do like 30 or more minutes it gets better. What kind of weirdness is that?! It seems like  more than just shin splints... They were agitated when I did a jog/walk last night after having several days off.  You'd think rest days would make shin splints improve. .Plus my left achilles is causing some issues. Major issues. I tried to wear heels to a Christmas party a couple weeks ago and as soon as the heel was on and I took a step, I nearly fell over and cried.  Could be tendonitis. Hopefully not something worse.  Yes, I'm going to the doctor soon to get that checked out.  I am trying to take it easy on the running, keeping it light, slow, and low miles until I find out what it is. The pain starts part way up my calf and extends down into my heel. Sometimes the outside of my foot hurts. If I press on it, it makes things worse.  SO, yes, off to the doctor I go.

I'm kind of afraid of what is going on with my legs, particularly that achilles.  I have a half marathon in just under two months.  What if I... Can't run? That's my fear.  I will not be able to do 13.1 miles if I have to rest for several weeks. So, I'll have to defer.  That makes me sad. I was looking forward to a sunny vacation, a visit with a good friend, and completing my second half marathon.  I can defer so no money would be lost, but it's disappointing. The logical part of me says that it's for the best though. I'd rather rest and defer than totally screw it up and never be able to do another...  Especially since I'm registered for one in April and another in September.

As I mentioned, I've been keeping the runs light and short. I  did 8 miles a few weeks ago, and after w while, the pain subsided and I finished.  It was brutal (and on a treadmill which is it's own special kind of Hell), but I did it.  At first I was like "omg...I have to do five more miles for a half. Why am I torturing myself?" Then I thought, "only five more miles and I will have done a half!!" The mind of a runner, I tell ya...

I've also recently done Chalean Extreme, for strength training. I love the Push Circuit the best. It's the heaviest weight you can handle and only six to eight reps of each exercise.  It makes me feel kind of like a bad ass to lift heavy amounts.  I definitely cannot do those same weights for sets with more reps.  I'm looking at doing another strength training program. Maybe I'll start that next week, so I can look more at which one and get a plan written out before I start.  I've been doing Turbofire, Combat, and the elliptical on days I don't run.  Sometimes I just walk.  I'm not following TF or Combat as scheduled right now; just using whichever workout I have time for as a supplement to other things; as cross training. I like the variety too.  Following one program for an extended period of time gets boring sometimes. I'm pushing hard the next few days so that I can reach that fitness points goal for the month.  Last night I did 30 min of Turbofire, 35 min of weight training (one of the CLX workouts), about 35 min on the treadmill, and about 25-30 min of yoga just to stretch out and relax for the night.  Yes, that's about two hours.  All of that earned me about 4 points.  Oh yeah, and as of yesterday I had about 20 points to get by Thursday. If I can achieve five point days today, tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday, I'll make it. With my morning workout I have 2 points for today.  I should be able to get a few miles walking (not a scheduled running day, but I'll probably do walk/jog intervals) or another hour of DVD work done this evening to hit five.I'm going to work my hardest to make it. And if some miracle or something weird happens and I get the 9.5 miles done (okay I know that's risky with the achilles), I know I'll at least hit that goal.  Too many days off for Christmas was NOT good for the points!!

I suppose that's the update for now. I had a little free time at work so I thought I'd blog rather than go out for a break or something.

I'll be sure to update sooner than later.


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