Tuesday, July 5, 2016

I Guess It's a New (again) Trend...

I see I've been absent for almost a month again. Gosh, time is FLYING by so fast!! I have been working lots of busy days and between other things and making sure I have time to fit in some exercise, by the time I sit down at night I'm in that mode where I just want to zone out.  Not sit down and write.

I believe I posted about my weight loss before. I'm moving down, however it's slow going.  I'm eating mostly clean but not super clean where I'm dropping pounds as quickly as I did in the past. I'm all over the place with exercise - it's getting done but not at on any kind of schedule.  I had family up (unexpected surprise!) so I was working with that. I also did a June biking challenge - 100 miles in the month - to raise money for kids with cancer.  I've had lots of support on what I'm doing and my biking but not much as far as donations.  Awareness is something in itself though. Now more people know about the challenge so when it comes around next time, maybe more riders will sign up. 100 miles in a month is really not bad, even if you bike at a leisurely pace. I generally keep it fairly light and bike around 10 miles per hour.  One day I think I did about 14 and that was a day I was moving a bit faster because I started getting rained on. At ten miles a ride, that's only 10 rides in the whole month.  That's only 10 hours of time.  Not bad at all. Due to my schedule mine were more spread out. Then I was out of town for a couple days for a 5K and doing some running on other days, I ended up in crunch time last week. Most of my workouts were biking; at least ten miles. June went by much faster than I  was prepared for! But I finished, on time, and with over 100 miles.  It's The Great Cycle Challenge USA and they'll continue to add miles and donations in throughout this month. There were over 26,000 riders so I'm sure it takes a bit of time to gather all the data.

Anyway....weight loss... I'm sitting around the 25 pounds lost that I was at in June (okay I'm like a pound, almost two, more pounds lost, but close enough). I'm working on 30.  My goal is to have lost over 30 by the time my next doctor appointment comes up.  that's on the 15th of this month, so just under two weeks.  I see no reason that I cannot lose five pounds in two weeks.  As of yesterday, or maybe the day before, I was thisclose to being to that 2 more pounds lost, so it's really only four pounds which is totally do-able for a two week span. More would be great.  I weighed this morning and even with increased sodium (cookout yesterday) my weight was not up as much as it could've been... Not even a pound, so that should come off with water in the next couple days.  I feel that just biking and walking last week had something to do with it too. Until the weekend, I hadn't done much running so the last two weeks were pretty light as far as activity. I was still doing activity but not as intense. Lots of biking and walking but only a few runs until this weekend. I had done a 5K on the 25th and then it was walking and biking until Saturday. I did a couple runs the week of the 5K to get ready for it but I'd been running a couple times a week before then and no long runs since what turned out to be a five miler when I did my last 5K (ran/walked a mile to/from to add a couple more on to the run). I think running will really get things moving again!

This weekend, I did just over four miles Saturday, three Sunday, and a virtual Independence Day 5K yesterday.  Saturday's run was a bit of a struggle; probably because I hadn't done a run in a week! With all the biking and being so busy and not wanting to run late (because then I'd be energized and miss sleep!) it just kind of worked out that way.  By yesterday I noticed my endurance was already better. My speed was also improving. Saturday was more of a struggle and each day got a little better. The 5K the previous weekend was a little brutal. It was hot early in the day - like 80 by race time. And the Windy City had a lack of wind, even right on the lakeshore. There were also lots of people. I lost my friend within the first mile because she was able to squeeze through some people and as I went to go through behind her, someone else came up from the other side and he and his buddies went through, then there was another group I couldn't get around. So I got stuck. Several times during the race, actually. Somehow my time wasn't as awful as I thought it would've been given getting stuck and it being so stinking hot. I was slower than usual but not too terribly far behind - only a few minutes.  It was still an awesome race and when I realized just how crowded it was, I realized time would probably be a factor at some point. I got to finish ON Soldier Field.  I could've been stuck walking the whole thing and would've been totally fine!!!

So weight-wise I'm doing pretty good. I'd have hoped to drop 8-10 pounds a month before this appointment. I was really wanting to be down 50 pounds from February (five months) which is the rate I lost at when I lost weight the first time.  But I'll be okay with 30+. Is it slower than I want? Yes. But I'm doing it in a way that's better for me. Previously I cut off a lot of socialization because that's so centered around food. I was also a little obsessive about my eating habits. Yesterday I decided that I wanted to have an adult beverage because it was the 4th of July! I typically have a beer or drink once every 1-2 weeks.  And that's usually one drink.  Yesterday was a rather large mimosa but after that I was done and back to water.  Moderation.  Yesterday was also a cookout and I ate like a normal person... Not too much and not in an obsessive way.  I had hotdog. I had some pasta salad. I had a few chips.  And I was good. I ate to where I felt satisfied but not super full. I didn't freak out and chug water or struggle because there were not fruits or veggies. I ate a white bun (gasp!). In the past I would've loaded up on fruits and veggies avoided pasta salad and chips totally, and maybe would've had a some of the meat without a bun. I'm losing at a slower rate, but it's a more comfortable, more realistic rate. And I'm not beating myself up like I did before. I ran and burned lots of calories and although I don't like to eat calories back, if I ate a few of them back (wasn't all of them), that's okay. Life goes on.  I'm happy. I'm not self-isolating for fear of what food or drinks will be around.  Life is fun! Would I like to be down 50? Of course.  Would I like to be down 50 but not doing anything or have problematic eating and anxiety in social settings? Nope.  I'll take slow and meeting the needs of my life as it is at this stage.  A few years ago, I was okay self-isolating. My then-boyfriend lived away. I had no one else to worry about during the week. It worked.  Now? It won't work the same way. But I'm eating as clean as possible and putting in the work in way that's working for me now.

Around 20 pounds lost people started noticing. I didn't.  And I still struggle. But I struggled when I was at my smallest weight. In some way, I'll probably always struggle with body imagine. I think that's something that's true for many of us.... I know very few people who are absolutely comfortable with their bodies and would change nothing about their physical appearance.  It doesn't have to be weight loss... It can be that they want to gain weight; maybe they have a nose they don't like; maybe they're short... Anything. Body image is tricky and in same way most of us have some sort of issue with it. BUT it's in how we handle it and how big we allow it to get. So at 20 pounds I didn't notice much.  At 25, I started seeing some differences. I'm also feeling better about how I look in pictures and take mirror selfies regularly to help monitor progress.  I didn't do this last time but this time I think it's a good thing since my weight is moving a bit slower. I'm getting there.  And maybe I won't hit 50 pounds lost until September.  That's okay.  I'd say my goal for the end of the year; another five months would be to hit 70 pounds lost, total.  That's another 40 from where I am now. I think that if I'm a bit more strict, I can do that.  But I will accept a loss of another 30, for 60 overall since February. The good thing is that I'm done beating myself up. Progress is progress. Progress is good. Progress not perfection. I think I'm finally back in a place where I've done my best to block all other negativity from my life and am just working to respond in a different way to bad vibes... You don't like me? Cool. You wanna talk about me? People who know me won't believe it. People who know you will (but do I even care what they believe? Nope.).  People somewhere in between won't want to get involved, will ask the second side of the story, or will let it roll away. Got a problem with how I look? Don't look at me. You think I should/should not be wearing make-up? Okay. Don't like my hair color? Okay. I do. I'm just at that point where I know I can't control what other people see or say and that's okay. My body image isn't about them. It's about me. It's about how I feel. Why should someone saying "oh she's gained some weight back!" bother me? It shouldn't. I'm WELL AWARE of that. Yeah, I have.  Why do you care? What people don't know or see is what I'm doing.  I exercise at least 6 days a week. I usually take a rest day but not always. My exercise varies - I do light cardio, intense cardio, weights, yoga... A variety.  The thing is, I don't control what anyone else thinks about how I look. I don't control what they say. I only control how I see myself; how I feel about myself; and what I choose to do (or not do) about it.  Right now I'm eating mostly clean and I'm exercising a lot. Exercise makes me feel good. I'm losing weight but I'm not stressing.  I'm happy. Maybe that's what upsets people... I'm not showing that I'm totally miserable with how I look. I'm not. But it's also not anyone else's business how I see myself or feel about myself. I share things here because I want to. Because I've heard it's helped other people.  I've had people tell me I've motivated and inspired them. I've had people tell me that my determination has helped them to be more determined.  That is by far one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. Ever.

So I'd say things are going well... I've done a three 5Ks in June/thus far in July.  I was thinking of another half this month but got off-track with my training. I have one for sure in September so training will start for that soon enough. I'm sure I'll do some more 5Ks and 10Ks this summer.  Running is good. Eating is pretty good - I could clean it up a bit but I'm okay where I'm at. Weight loss is happening. I'm going to make sure I don't miss tracking any bites during this two weeks and hope to be at 31, or more, lost on the 15th. Other areas of life are going great!

Hope life finds you well and your summer is fantastic!!

XOXO


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